One step backwards at a time

We as humans are forever growing. We are constantly looking at who we are, ever trying to better create ourselves. To have control of our finances, of our emotions, of our relationships… of life!!! We reach crises points in our lives and then try to break out of the mold we have created by reinventing ourselves. We buy the latest do it yourself book, get the latest fashions, the latest gizmo, try the latest fad or just join the gym. We immediately feel proud of ourselves, optimistic about the future and capable of being agents of change and growth in our lives.

So often though, when we make changes we feel great at first but then that feeling of elation slowly dissipates. To make a true and permanent change in your life requires more than a one-day commitment. The wisdom that you gain about yourself is not something that you just learn in one moment and then it stays forever. We have a lifetime of thought and living patterns that are deeply embedded in our subconscious as life programs. So that whenever we are required to act more often than not we are reacting to something that has happened. It is when we react that we immediately move into our old behaviour programs.

We see this behaviour most often when we are avoiding an emotion that doesn’t make us feel good. We therefore employ a program that has, in the past, helped us alleviate the problem before. But this only works for the short-term. Sure enough, in a day, a month, a year, the problems always inevitably creep back. Often we know what we need to do for long-term change, which is the reason why we started the new program in the first place. However, this long-term option is often thwarted because we react to a bump or distraction and move more easily back to the known short-term program that only acts as a momentary band-aid. We can see this as examples when we aren’t feeling good about ourselves instead of exercising, we will eat some ice cream in front of the TV. Or we follow a dream but because it doesn’t manifest immediately we simply give up early on in the journey.

We must be more aware of who we are and what we want. Whatever you choose to bring into your life, you must choose it as a daily practice, as a new way of life. Something you felt motivated you to the point where you were actually driven to enact this idea for the betterment of your self and your life. So now that you were given a revelation about how to change old patterns, you must act on it as a commitment to yourself and the practice itself.

To better understand this we can think of it the same way as when you first get into a hot bath. At first the temperature is hot, but then you acclimatize to the new heat. This is fine at first, you can handle the slight drop but then slowly the heat will dissipate and ultimately you drop down to the old temperature. This is the same as taking on a new program in that you start off cooking but slowly you get cold on the idea. You feel uncomfortable and uninspired having gone back to the old world. It is up to you to lift yourself, keep providing action and re-stoke the fires every day, every moment in order to keep yourself cooking in this new space. Keep yourself elevated and inspired by the actions.

To do this you need to choose reachable goals. Don’t pick something that you just know is impossible. 100 push ups a day. Write an entire business and marketing plan in a day. If your goals are unreachable you will become overwhelmed by the enormity of the task and immediately deflate. If you feel overwhelmed by the size of a task – cut in half. If that begins to feel like too much then… cut that in half. Keep moving forward. Keep providing energy to the engine of your idea so that it continues to chug along. Sooner or later you will build some momentum and then you will be cooking with gas.

To help you with your goals get clear on your values. What type of person do you want to be? How do you want to see yourself? If you want to know yourself as someone who has control of their lives and dreams then keep this at the forethought of your mind when you start to want to just go and sit on the couch. When you want to give up. Sometimes it helps to have a friend to stoke the fires, get a buddy or a mentor someone who you want to work with and commit to bringing about change in your life. Obligations and commitments you make to your friends and community is one of the biggest motivators. That’s why we have gym buddies. Soldiers have been recorded as saying they no longer are risking their lives for their country or ideals but for the person next to them. Use whatever and whoever you can to help bring about change and deeply root these new behaviour patterns.

Something to remember about learning new ways to be in life is that eventually you will make new programs, and these behaviors, that were so hard at first, will become second nature to you and you wont have to try anymore. This then allows you to create more space to learn even more powerful behaviors about your life and how to master it even more.

Exercise 1


– Get clear on your goal and write it down
– Work backwards step by step from the end to where you are now.
– Map out what you need to do to reach the goal
– If a step is too big – cut it in half

Exercise 2
– Imagine you are at your funeral. Write down a short paragraph about how you would want to be remembered and How you want to think about yourself?
– Take these positive characteristics about yourself and when you feel your motivation waning. Take a breath and remember how you want to be remembered and what you will need to do at the moment to make that happen


“I THINK”….”I CAN!!!!!”